


The Green-Eyed Monster

by Hey_You



Category: Hunger Games - Fandom, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25530301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hey_You/pseuds/Hey_You
Summary: She has the perfect husband. The perfect marriage. In short, she has everything I've everwanted ... . Years after their first meeting, Johanna Mason still grapples with her jealousyof Katniss. This is a one-shot set several years after "The Missing Book."
Relationships: Gale Hawthorne/Johanna Mason, Johanna Mason/Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Comments: 13
Kudos: 63





	The Green-Eyed Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Hunger Games characters and settings belong to Suzanne Collins.

I feel it bubbling inside me once again. That familiar feeling. Jealousy. It's obviously not the first  
time and quite possibly won't be the last though I regard her as my closest friend.

  
The first time I saw her, she was volunteering for her little sister. "Poor sap!" That's what I  
thought, but outwardly I said, "Bet she makes Day 3." I don't know why I said it or who I was  
saying it too. I remember watching her and Peeta in training. They both had a certain calmness  
about them. Nothing seemed to rattle them but they weren't particularly good — or so I thought.

  
Then, out of the blue while sitting in our seventh floor suite, she scores an eleven. Eleven, what  
the fuck! Who scores an eleven other than a Career. Katniss Everdeen, that's who. And I was  
jealous. I had never in my life felt the bitter edge of jealousy. I think it was rooted in the opening  
ceremony when she and Peeta arrived and stole the crowd with their stunning costumes. I felt a  
pang then. Just a pang, but nonetheless a pang that I couldn't readily identify.

  
But the eleven forced me off my ass and up the elevator to twelve. To Haymitch. I was 22-years-old  
and already an old hand at this. The night before, I fucked Gloss for a chance to get my boy  
into the Careers. Gloss was a mean fuck … literally. It wasn't the first time, but it was the first time  
he left me tied to his bed. Fortunately, his sister Cashmere was also mentoring and she released  
me; otherwise, I would likely have stayed there the entire Games. Mentoring was cutthroat.

  
But, on the eve of the interviews, I found myself outside the door to the Penthouse. Haymitch was  
the only mentor from District 12, so my work should have been easy except for the fact that old  
Effie Trinket was on duty that night. She pulled the door open and knew exactly what I was there  
for, a fast fuck and an alliance for my kids.

  
She grudgingly called Haymitch to the door. He was not surprised to see me; although, it had to  
be the first time ever someone visited him for a fuck.

  
"Johanna," he drawled and I could smell the whiskey on his breath. But no matter, this was my  
job and I had done worse. In fact, just a few nights ago, I bedded Chaff with the rotting teeth.  
"Haymitch, I'm not going to fuck around," he grinned at my use of the word, and I could see a  
hint of lust. "I'm willing to give you my two tributes as an alliance for your girl."

  
He took a swig of whatever his glass held and looked at me, a sad smile spreading across his face.  
"Sorry, Jo. It wouldn't be worth your time …or effort. She's not going to align with anyone."  
Color me shocked. He could have just fucked me and left me hanging like all the rest. I never  
knew for sure whether anyone took my offer seriously until after the Cornucopia. Then I would  
wait and see. Twice I had been successful, and that meant I had to keep trying. Maybe it was true  
that Haymitch suffered from "whiskey dick". Or maybe District 12 residents were just that …  
inherently good.

  
But no matter, I was dismissed. I went back down to drown my sorrows. Just another year where  
my tributes were fucked. I ran into Finnick who was on cloud nine because Annie was there to  
"mentor" with him. What a joke that was! Finn just wanted Annie there to warm his bed. Never  
once did she make an appearance throughout the Games. But hell, who am I to judge, Finn was  
happy, and he was my friend.

  
One time Finn and I got into it about whether the winner of the Games actually won anything.  
Fuck, who knew? I didn't and in the end we were both arguing the same point but too drunk to  
realize it. Winning spared our physical life, but emotionally we were dead. Well, almost. Finn had  
found Annie and realized that love was possible. Maybe winning didn't steal our emotions, maybe  
just our souls.

  
Finn was also my first fuck. Although, it wasn't a choice for either of us. He was two years older  
than me, and had recently been initiated into the victor's prostitution circle. Snow made a lot of  
money selling the victors to the highest bidder. I was just 15-years-old at the time. Fresh off from  
my Victory Tour when my mentor came to me and told me I would have special duties.

  
After he explained, I was scared shitless and not entirely sure I was completely into boys at that  
point. People in the Capitol were given ballots to vote how they wanted to see me deflowered. At  
the hands of another victor was the top choice, and then they voted on the who the victor would  
be. Thankfully, it was Finn.

  
We were placed in a theater with a revolving stage. What they couldn't see live was channeled to  
big strategically placed screens. Round and round we went while I was initiated into what would  
be my world. When Finn was done, the camera zoomed in on my blood smeared thighs. I can  
remember seeing them on the big screen.

  
I didn't realize it then, but the next night cost me my family. A fat man from the Capitol arrived to  
extract his pound of flesh and I refused, slapping him across the face. He left but the next morning,  
Snow sent me a note with a rose. "My condolences." That was it. That was all. I got on the train  
and headed home only to discover my entire family had been killed save one. That one became  
the catalyst for never refusing another fuck. No matter what.

  
But I digress. The green-eyed monster had awakened in me during the 74th games, and was  
fueled each time I saw her. During the interviews, I gritted my teeth as she twirled on stage. I  
shook my head in amazement when her blonde, blue-eyed adonis fellow tribute declared his  
crush. I remember wondering how Haymitch had conned the poor sap into playing that kind of  
game, only to realize exactly twenty-nine minutes into the game that Peeta had not been conned at  
all but was playing his own game.

  
My tributes were knocked off pretty quickly and I joined in the under-the-table betting game as to  
who would win. My money was on Katniss the whole way. When the rules changed, we had side  
bets going as to how far she would go with Peeta to keep the parachutes coming. I knew she  
wouldn't fuck him in the cave, but that was high on the list of hopes for some who bet thousands  
on that outcome.

  
Katniss surprised all the mentors, except her own, when she drugged Peeta and headed off to the  
feast. Why the hell would she risk her own life for someone who would surely die and be one less  
kill she would have to claim? None of the mentors were virgins. We all knew the rule would  
revert back at the necessary time and she would have to kill him. We knew it.

  
But time and again, Katniss surprised us. She was desperate to save Peeta and now I know that  
she was starting to feel something for him, she just was too naive to understand she was falling for  
him. Then again, who wouldn't fall for Peeta?

  
In spite of the fact I was betting on Katniss, I secretly wanted Peeta to win. Fuck! If he would  
have been the sole victor, I would have petitioned Snow himself to initiate the boy into our ranks.  
Looking back, I realize I was the naive one. If Katniss would have died, Peeta would have  
followed her … killed himself rather than live without her.

  
Katniss shocked everyone though when she pulled the berries. Fuck, I saw red when she did. I  
was so angry. A furious jealousy-borne anger that she had not only outsmarted the game makers  
but probably insured a future without having to sell her body to the highest bidder. There wasn't a  
victor alive who wouldn't have gladly taken the option of being forever tethered to your district  
mate in lieu of fucking whoever had the money to buy you for a night.

  
Then there was the victory tour, and the night she modeled the wedding dresses. I was secretly  
glad when the Quarter Quell twist was revealed and planned to take her out myself but the stupid  
revolution got in my way. My jealousy ignited once more during the opening ceremonies and I  
decided then and there I wanted Peeta just to show her that I could have him.

  
I feel foolish now as I look back at stripping bare in the elevator. He seemed amused but hardly  
lustful. Katniss seemed embarrassed but not jealous. I was humiliated. During training, I tried my  
damnedest to attract Peeta's attention but never did. In the quieter moments of training, I would  
look in his direction and see his eyes trained on Katniss.

  
Haymitch assured us it was an act on her part, but I was not sure. I saw the moments when they  
forgot everyone else in the room and she would brush his hair back from his forehead or lean in  
and whisper conspiratorially in his ear.

  
But there was one moment when I did not envy her, and that was the twelve she scored in  
training. A sure target on her back. I'm sure now she deserved a twelve, but I know it was only  
given to her for spite.

  
My jealousy had turned to hate by the time we entered the arena, and really did not care if she  
lived or died. When we finally caught up with her, I began realizing how misguided Haymitch  
was about her relationship with Peeta. If it wasn't love that guided her actions, I don't know what  
it was. She barely left his side and Finn told me about her reaction when he hit the forcefield. It  
culminated the night on the beach when I was certain if they had been left alone, they would have  
fucked, cameras or not.

  
Then IT happened. Peeta and I left behind while Katniss was rescued. My hatred turned to  
loathing as the torture began. At night I listened to poor pathetic Peeta crying for Katniss. During  
the day, in between bouts of torture, I would hear him speaking to himself. "Katniss is safe. That's  
all that matters."

  
Then we were rescued. Me a shell of the woman I once was. No family. No friends. Finnick was  
too pre-occupied with Annie. Beetee and I were never close. Haymitch? Well, he had his hands  
full with the drama of Peeta and Katniss.

  
Word spread quickly when she was shot in District 2. Once she was back in 13, I began taking  
advantage of her morphling drip daring her to object. But I soon realized that "the girl on fire" was  
a decidedly broken girl and it was not the arenas or the rebellion that broke her but the loss of  
Peeta's love. She was a fragment of her former self.

  
When we started rooming together, I would see her playing with the pearl and locket that Peeta  
had given her. I wondered what she was thinking but a part of me was glad that she had lost him if  
only to quell my own anger.

  
Katniss was the only one who tried to reach out to me. She had a compassion that surprised me  
when she brought me the bag of pine needles that reminded me of home. That gift forever  
changed me.

  
After the war, I barely recognized the girl in the Mockingjay suit. Her eyes were haunted. Her  
face had a thin angular quality, and when she spoke, her tone was emotionless. No one should  
have been shocked when she drew back her bow and shifted the aim. Hell, if I was honest, I was  
glad that bitch Coin died. Why the hell should she have been president anyway? It should have  
been someone from the districts who suffered through seventy-five years of the Hunger Games.

  
But this jealousy I feel today is somewhat foreign. Different from the previous times I felt it, and  
far distant from the last time I was jealous. In fact, since the war ended I have been jealous of  
Katniss only twice. Sure, there have been moments of envy but flat out jealousy, only twice.  
The first was upon visiting District 12 not quite a year after the war and realizing that Katniss and  
Peeta had achieved something that few victors ever did — normalcy. They lived together and  
loved one another without shame, remorse or regret. I admit, I was jealous but it was short-lived  
because I had also found someone and wanted very much to find normalcy with him.

  
Gale, her best friend, and I had been lovers since a few months after the war ended. I told Katniss  
about it on my first trip and expected her to be jealous but instead she seemed genuinely happy for  
me, for us.

  
It wasn't until two years later when Katniss and Peeta were married, that the green-eyed monster  
reared its ugly head again. I remember it clearly. Peeta had just completed his vows which had the  
guests in tears, and the officiant pronounced them husband and wife, and they had kissed each  
other with a passion leaving no room for doubters.

  
It was in that moment that I looked into the eyes of Gale and read regret, remorse but most of all  
longing. Gale was still infatuated by her. The jealous anger flared, but only for a moment because  
I looked back in the direction of the happy couple and realized that Katniss would never  
reciprocate those feelings.

  
Today, it's different though and I know I need to leave the room or my feelings will betray me. I  
rush out the door telling them that I forgot something. Their expressions are surprised but no  
follows, at least not yet, and I'm grateful.

  
I stop on their front porch, gripping the railing and closing my eyes. All at once the scene from  
earlier flashes before my eyes. Peeta arrived home from the bakery, and Katniss hurried from the  
kitchen and quickly kissed him.

  
"How's my girls?" Peeta asked, as he bent his head to the little pink bundle in her arms. Eight  
weeks. Eight fucking weeks, I've fought against the feelings that well inside me. I love them,  
Katniss and Peeta. But in the past eight weeks, I've worked hard to keep the jealousy at bay.

  
During the many months of her pregnancy, it was all abstract and not reality. Katniss struggled  
with pregnancy —the self-doubt that she would actually make a good mother, among other things.  
I actually sympathized with her during those times when tears flowed like a water fall. I, too,  
wanted a baby but saw myself easily becoming ensnared in the emotional pit of despair that  
Katniss seemed susceptible to.

  
Once the baby arrived though, a desperation overtook me as I watched Peeta holding Katniss who  
was holding the brand new baby christened, Pearl. The look on their faces was one of mutually  
shared joy, and I felt the bile rise within me. The bottom line is, I want what Katniss has — a  
husband who loves me and a tiny daughter as proof of that love.

  
I've looked into the eyes of past victors. No one has been completely happy or content in their post  
arena days, save Katniss and Peeta. Somehow, the two of them have defied the odds time and  
again, and I should be happy for them, but I'm not.

  
Two weeks after her birth, Peeta and Katniss decided to spend time at their lake home, far away  
from the photographers and nosy neighbors. They spent six weeks away and during that time I  
grappled with my emotions trying to get them in check. I was frankly relieved not to have them  
around to hear the cute little anecdotes about the baby.

  
Yesterday, Katniss surprised us by showing up on our porch. She and Peeta had returned and  
wanted to invite us to supper with Haymitch, Delly and her husband, Hazel, Rory and Posy. I  
stared at her a long minute. Katniss had worked hard to shed the baby weight, not that there was  
much to begin with, and she was slim as ever. The only outward sign that she had been pregnant  
two months ago, was the baby securely wrapped in a front pack chewing on her fist.

  
Finally, I found my tongue and agreed. I tried to think of something nice to say about the baby,  
but the words died in my throat. If Katniss was upset, she didn't show it. She just waved goodbye  
and headed to Haymitch's house.

  
In my heart, I know I have to adapt to the new baby and their happiness, but it's difficult. More  
than anything I wanted a baby. Gale wanted a son. I didn't care, I just wanted someone to hold  
and cuddle and protect the way my parents couldn't protect me. After we moved back to District  
12, we tried for a few years, and nothing, not even the thrill of a late period.

  
Medical care was still a little primitive here, so I traveled to the Capitol and found they had taken  
extreme measures to prevent conception during my years as Snow's prostitute. At first I never told  
anyone, not Gale, not Katniss, not anyone. Then one day, I told one of the most unlikely people,  
Haymitch.

  
He offered me a quick hug and told me he wished he could change things. Later, I told Katniss  
and she didn't seem that concerned as she was still adamant that she would never have a child.

  
I inhale deeply and looked around at the neighborhood where I now live with Gale. We never  
married but after awhile I did tell him that I could not have children. It was seven years ago, and I  
will never forget the look on his face as he stood up from the table and walked out the door.

  
He didn't come home for three days and when he did, he confessed that he fucked a girl he met at  
the one and only bar in town and stayed with her for the duration of the time he was gone. I was  
hurt and angry and we split up for awhile. A few months later, he found out she was pregnant. He  
swore he loved me and didn't want her. It's tough to see that little dark haired boy around town,  
but I can't help but wish he was mine. Ours.

  
The door opens behind me and I decide not to turn and look but instead sigh deeply.

  
"Jo?" It's the deep voice of Peeta, as he reaches for my shoulder. For a half-second I consider  
pulling away, but I'm not upset with Peeta. I'm not even upset with Katniss. I'm upset with myself  
for my reaction to the baby.

  
He drops his hand from my shoulder and leans against the railing. "Jo, we've been through a lot,  
you and me." Peeta stops long enough to glance down and take my hand. "What's wrong?"

  
At first I shake my head, but Peeta has a way of drawing me out. "I … I'm embarrassed, Peeta."  
I'm not a crier but I start to weep. He puts his arm around his shoulder.

  
"Jo, Jo, Jo … I'm going to go out on a limb."

  
I laugh at his use of the phrase. "You're not known for your ability to climb trees, Peeta."

  
He chuckles. It's warm and familiar and eases my tension. "You'd be surprised what I've mastered  
in the past fifteen years, Jo." He waits for my laughter to die down. "It's the baby, isn't it?"  
"Nooo! I mean, no. Not the baby."

  
"Then what. Is it me? Is it Katniss?" I don't answer. "Jo, we know something is wrong, and we  
know it involves us in some way. We both sensed it before we went to the lake, and now tonight  
…"

  
But I don't let him finish. "I'm jealous, Peeta. I'm jealous of Katniss. She has everything … . She  
has you, a husband who thinks that she walks on water. A guy who wouldn't stray if a naked  
woman plopped down on his lap. She's got a marriage and now, she's got a baby. A baby, Peeta.  
And what's worse, she never wanted any of it, Peeta. None. And she's got it all." The words pour  
out of me, and the release feels good.

  
I chance a glance at Peeta, expecting to see anger or bitterness or resentment, or hell, I don't know,  
but certainly not the gentle love his expression holds. He reaches for me and holds me close. Peeta  
has always held a special place in my heart ever since we listened to each other endure the  
tortures Snow inflicted. For several minutes, he holds me close and then kisses my forehead  
lightly.

  
His soft chuckle brings my head up and I stare at him. He's laughing at me? At my jealousy? At  
my hurt? At my pain? I'm ready to withdraw when he speaks. "If you only knew, Jo. It's not been  
easy for Katniss to accept that she could be happy after suffering so many losses. It makes her feel  
guilty. Growing up, she never wanted any of it, and yes, she does have it all, but it's not been  
without struggles. You're right, I do love her, but there have been times, in her darker moments,  
when she's felt unworthy of my love."

  
I know what he's talking about, I've heard her say it myself. Katniss has grappled with a sense of  
unworthiness through the years. She's told me, and in the darker moments, I've done nothing to  
assuage her insecurities. It doesn't change the fact that she still has everything, and I don't.

  
"Marissa Joy."

  
"What?"

  
"When I was seven-years-old, I had a doll that I called Marissa Joy. I loved that name and I  
wanted more than anything to have a little girl and call her that."

  
Peeta smiles, "Pretty name."

  
"Drew Walker was the first boy who ever kissed me. I was thirteen and thought it pretty gross," I  
smile wickedly at Peeta, "but when he was reaped, I promised myself that, if he made it back, I  
would marry him." Drew Walker was the tribute unfortunate enough to stumble from his plate just  
before the games began and was blown to bits.

  
"After that, I developed a crush on Marsha Evans. She was six years older than me and taught me  
to really swing an axe. I don't know if she would have been interested in me at all, but she treated  
me like a little sister. My crush was good practice for my Capitol years though." There's irony  
there.

  
"Did you know Finn was my first fuck?" Peeta shuffles his feet and shakes his head. I nod. "It  
was before Annie and he was still clumsy as fuck. Still learning. We became fuck buddies for  
awhile and went at it like rabbits, and I wondered why I wasn't pregnant." My laugh is bitter.  
Cauterized fallopian tubes will go a long way to preventing pregnancy.

  
"You and Katniss were lucky. Snow really couldn't use the star-crossed lovers for his games, and  
he hated you. But, if I had the choice, I would have taken his hatred any day of the week.  
Condoms were a rarity in the Capitol. After my second STD, I got smart and started using a  
female condom. There was this one man … ." But then I realize who I'm talking to. Peeta  
wouldn't know what a diseased cock looked like. Gale, on the other hand, has first hand  
knowledge.

  
We're quiet for awhile, and Peeta's obviously hoping I've talked myself out. "Jo? Katniss and I  
have talked about this. We've … well, through the years, sensed your … envy. Katniss loves you  
like a sister, and she wants you to be happy." His statement makes me feel guilty. "We felt it when  
Pearl was born, and we know it's not malicious, Jo. We want you to share our baby. Hold her,  
feed her, love her like your own, Jo. We want you to be one of her godparents." I'm surprised.  
Shocked even.

  
"I'm not very godly, Peeta." I smile.

  
"It's just a term. They used to do it all the time. In case something happened to the real parents.  
Katniss wants to make sure Pearl will always have someone, and we both think that someone  
should be you … with stipulations." I quirk my eyebrow at him. "No swearing or foul language  
within earshot of the baby." His words make me smile. "And, when it comes to Pearl learning  
about sex, it will be from Katniss and I." It's a full on belly laugh that meets his last words.

  
After a moment, I stop and consider. Peeta's offered me a part of their world. An important part.  
They understand and neither is angry. Being able to care for Pearl, play with her and spoil her is  
something I never considered. "No dirty diapers." I add as my clause to the agreement. Peeta nods  
and smiles.

  
"Jo?" Peeta hesitates. "Have you ever considered looking for someone different?" His words take  
a moment to sink in. "I mean, you might find yourself a man who would love you like I love  
Katniss." He looks so earnest and I honestly wish I had met his brothers. Who knows? What he  
doesn't realize is the number of men who have warmed my bed while Gale is out cavorting with  
his trollops. I've done almost as much sampling as Gale, yet we always come back to each other.  
He's looking for someone to push Katniss from his mind and most often those girls come in the  
form of buxom blondes without a brain in their head. I, on the other hand, look for a stand-in for  
Drew Walker.

  
Finally, I shake my head. "Neither of us are perfect. We've both did our share of damage, yet we  
always come back to each other. Imperfect together." Imperfect together. Those were his words to  
me that first summer after the rebellion when I asked what made it work between him and Katniss.  
Peeta nods his head knowingly. "How about we go back inside?"

  
"You go. I'll be right in." He nods and heads inside. I run to our house and gather up the box that's  
been growing in the closet for years, and if I were honest, has doubled in size in the past eight  
weeks. I can barely heft it and struggle to get it downstairs and across to their house. I have to kick  
at their door to get someone to let me in. Katniss opens it with a startled expression.

  
"Jo?"

  
"Here you go, Brainless," I say, resorting to the nickname I hadn't used in years but is covering  
the emotions that threaten to spill over. I drop the box in the middle of the floor and gesture to  
Katniss to open it. She kneels and pulls the lid open. Inside are baby clothes, and toys and pretty  
much everything anyone could want for a new baby.

  
People have been sending gifts since Peeta and Katniss announced their pregnancy, and many of  
the items ended up at the children's home, but now Katniss settles in and begins rummaging  
through the items with enthusiasm. She lifts a lacy pink dress from the mix and squeals with  
delights. Her eyes are shining as she finds Peeta's. "Look, Daddy, this will fit her right now.  
Something new for you to paint her in."

  
Peeta's off the couch immediately and down on the floor next to Katniss. Baby Pearl stares up  
with wide eyes at the two most important people in her life. Peeta lays her on the floor and strips  
off her comfortable pajamas. He holds the bit of lace up and spins it around. "Here don't forget the  
slip," Katniss hands him the silky white under thing, and Peeta looks a bit helpless.

  
It takes both of them to dress Pearl. Katniss pulls out a pair of tights and it's evident as they  
struggle to put them on her, that Katniss never played with dolls as a child. I can't help but smile as  
the perspiration appears on their foreheads, and its lucky for them that Pearl is a patient baby.  
Eventually, she's dressed and they hold her up as if scoring a major victory and are rewarded with  
a round of applause.

  
Peeta hands her off to me. It's the first time I've held a wriggling baby, and my arms ache. A lump  
forms in my throat as I stare into the blue pools that are her father's eyes. She quirks her invisible  
eyebrow at me and smiles. I can't help but smile in return.

  
I move away from the fray as Peeta and Katniss continue to dig and exclaim over the contents. I  
rock baby Pearl gently and wish one last time that I was holding my own baby girl. But I push the  
feeling aside. There's no room for jealousy when Peeta and Katniss have bestowed such a  
wonderful gift on me. I'm not sure I would have been as willing to share if the roles were reversed.

  
Pearl squirms slightly and turns her head to the familiar voices on the floor. "Let's you and I go  
and see what else Mommy and Daddy have found for you, huh?" She blinks at me and rewards  
me with another smile. Our Pearl.


End file.
